I've lost my home

By Elizabeth Argall

I remember the results
of the black deaths in custody inquiry
I was horrified
an innocent of the world
eight years or so
to know such things existed
In my own country
My metaphorical backyard
Australia wasn't the golden
you beaut land of opportunity it was supposed to be

But then
then I felt proud
proud to live in a nation
where we could look at ourselves
and say "this is wrong,
we've gotta fix it"

God I felt proud
I felt lucky to be an Australian

In school we were learning
our history
black and white
not realising how lucky I was
it still scares me to think
how 'recent' a black history is
a recent change

still taking place

and I learned what the price
of air conditioning, cars
and school uniforms was
and that made me feel sad and a bit guilty

but still proud for this country
proud it let me know
and gave me my rights
the truth

If I'd been paying attention
I might have noticed
the creation of an inquiry

bring them home

bring them home

a generation stolen

maybe I did
but the memory is lost
among homework, school stress
the crises that punctuate a maturing life.

but I remember the results
scarred on my brain

some of the events in my life have I witnessed and felt complete awe

The wall that fell
The Nelson man that walked
And the inquiry that sought to bring them home

The results of that inquiry...
they made me weep
with the sorrow of pain endured
weep with joy of the potential
joy at the recognition
anger anguish forgiveness combined
the hope for a deeper
more meaningful reconciliation

Betrayed
Stolen

The only consolation a book
to sign and say sorry
and response from the heart but insufficient

The response from our government on high
our elected leader
for the first in my life
I was ashamed
deeply
to the core of my soul
where I trembled and shook with an impotent rage
ashamed of this country
my country
the place of my birth

I had one thought
clear as a bell
"I want out"

This is not my country
how can this be my home?
I wanted to run
run as far as I could
run from the shame
from the pain
of a people so molested
run
I didn't care where
just away

Now I don't think I hold hard line views
I'm a moderate
with idealistic intentions...
and a sad dose of realism

But I will never forgive that
that...
Howard of a man
who tried to 'save' 'us'
from the 'conspiracy' of guilt
whatever he says
whatever he does
never forgive
he made me ashamed of my country.

- 2000

 

© Elizabeth Argall 2003-2004